Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Coffee.

I work with this guy who, no matter what time of day it is, is always moving close to the speed of light. For awhile, i thought he was a functioning meth or coke-addict like someone from "intervention",(which might be one the most amazing train-wrecks on television since "flavor of love" or that show with bobby brown and whitney houston), but today, i finally put it together. This gentleman is always holding a large coffee "mug". Actually, it's more like a 64 oz. big slurp cup from 7-11 with a handle. He is seen about twice a day, taking five and a half foot strides towards the breakroom. Imagine that popular Bigfoot video, sped up about five times, and in business casual. That is this guy every day. His khakis must have nomex inserts to keep his legs from bursting into flames, because this guy is flying to the coffee machine to load what has to be a snow shovel full of grounds in there to get that much coffee. I imagine what it's like to watch him 'load" that machine.

CoffeeCrusader: "HEY GUYS!!! HI YA DOIN?? JUST MAKIN MYSELF A CUP O' THE OL' JOE THERE, DON'T MIND ME!!!!!"

Fellow Employee1: (whispering) "why is he yelling? Is it safe for us to have a wood burning stove in here??

Fellow Employee2: "It's actually a coal oven. He modified it because the unit here couldn't produce on the level he needed. Oh yeah, and try not to touch him until he gets his coffee, (holds up hand with missing index finger), he gets a little agitated.."

Now, I've "experimented" with coffee in the past. All it gave me was a slight buzz, bad breath, and the overwhelming urge to crap.....LARGE. I couldn't imagine needing it like he does. But I guess that caffeine works different on all of us.

2 comments:

IP said...

I want to be that guy. Imagine how much he gets done without even thinking twice. Even if that is because the rapid firing of his synapses don't allow for a thought to occur to him more than once. I have to have at least a cup a day in the morning to register even the faintest interest in being alive. The pooping is just bonus. Clearing your head and your bowels for less than 25 cents per cup? Even at Starbucks prices, where else are you going to find value like that?

Nicole oh-so Lovely said...

Diet Coke...the "other" coffee